Give yourself permission to BE so you can love yourself back to being jolly, merry & bright!
“‘Tis the season to be jolly…” Yet, I am here to say,, it’s okay if you aren’t “Jolly” the entire season! And that is why I didn’t finish the line.
This may mean that you do some things differently during the holidays. We have all experienced a downfall of life-changing events over the recent years. We all experienced chaos and loss.
When my clients are going through a transformation, especially a big one, one of my recommendations that helps them connect with their truth and stay focused on their intention is to clear and do everything, as many things as possible, differently.
This especially includes what they think and feel supports and helps them. So if normally they wake up, take a shower, have coffee, then meditate before going about their day, I suggest they do the opposite- meditate, shower and then coffee. By doing this, you are literally pulling all the habitual plugs, so-to-speak and it stretches you to slow down a wee bit and consciously interact with your daily habits, to-do’s and ought-to’s.
If you are struggling to get into the spirit of the holiday season, lean into this struggle. Sit down with a fabulous cup of tea, your journal & pen, some colored pencils and proceed to step ONE:
- Make a list of everything you usually do during the holidays
- Use one color, I suggest your favorite one, and circle all the things that YOU enjoy the most. Do not include anything you do not enjoy even if someone else expects it from you.
- Select a different colored pencil and underline those things on your list which you do simply because other people expect it. These are the items which you get to pass on to someone else. Passing the baton is akin to a rite of passage for family traditions. Whomever is picking up this portion of the holiday will do so with delight. Yes, they might have questions and require guidance, but you will feel better in the roll of teacher for a year or two than in the doing of the thing that does not bring you joy. And bonus- the person you are passing it onto gets to add their little twist!
Now, look at your list. What is left? I bet you could just cross it out and not do it or do it differently. Or, put it out there for someone else to pick up- or not. The next steps are vital to transforming your holiday experience. The list was just the first step. But don’t worry. You are close to being done with it. The SECOND step is all about you.
- Check in with yourself. How does this feel? It is perfectly normal to have feelings surface that surprise you. Feel it out. If you have been doing something simply out of duty and you have completely lost your joy in it or maybe, never had joy in it to begin with, there may be some tears to shed or happy dance ready to wiggle out of you.
- If you are on the fence about anything, write it out. Get those feelings and both the dutiful and habitual thoughts out of your mind. This will bring you clarity and relief!
- Now, do something that helps you clear your energy: Go for a walk, take a shower or soak in the tub, do some yoga or other type of physical activity or all of the above!
Woo, those first two steps are either really easy or really hard, rarely there’s an in between. Either way, hello you did it! Celebrate! Do a tiny chair wiggle.
- After you read this, close your eyes and envision the conversation you are going to have with each of the people you are passing something on to. Allow yourself to have the conversation with the responses YOU WANT to hear. This is important because even if they don’t have the response it will be better than if you skip this process. I call this the energetic conversation where you are planting the seed.
- In your journal, you may want to jot down a couple bullet points under each person’s name along with the baton you are asking them to pick up. It is important here that you keep it positive. Nobody needs to know your why unless you choose to share it. Even then, they don’t need to know your whole why. You don’t want them to feel burdened by taking up the task. It can go something like this: “Carol, I know you look forward to _____ that I normally do for the _____ gathering/celebration. I have decided that it is time to pass that on to someone else. I am hoping that someone is you.” You can go on and say that you will be happy to share said recipe or answer questions they may have. But be sure your energy is clear that you aren’t going to do it. If they say no, ask them who they think might want to take it up. (They may even offer to make that call for you.)
- Make the call. Start with a call you feel will be easy in order to build your momentum.
- After each call take a moment to check in with your breath and then repeat the process. Take a little break if you need to.
- When you are finished with this portion, look at step two and do something nice for yourself. You can even schedule a massage or energy clearing to celebrate these wins!
Woo-hoo, all of the more difficult things are done! Now for the fun. I think you will love step FOUR. It’s time to bring some cheer to your journal! This step does no need to be done in any specific order and you may not even need to do all of it.
- Let yourself clear anything that is lingering from the above steps. Even if there is something that you might need to still process; give it a voice here. Don’t hold on to it and let it rob you of your joy.
- If one of your calls didn’t go as planned, declare for yourself that you won’t worry about it and that it may be time for the something to have a break from your festivities. If it is truly important to someone, they will take it on next year. Don’t worry about it- it will only highjack your joy.
- Celebrate your win! Give yourself the audience you deserve without anyone else commenting or judging and own your moment. Realize for yourself that your role in the gatherings gets to be different now! Allow your mind to explore this openness.
- Allow the space for something new to pop in, or not! When that something new or different shows up, you have one question to ask yourself: Will it bring me joy? If the answer is yes, try it. If the answer is no, let it be.
Now, the only thing left is for you to have a joyful, merry and bright holiday season!
If you find yourself struggling to overcome whatever has given you the Bah Humbug, please reach out so we can explore how I can guide you through it and reclaim your joy!